Rambling

Well, it's been forever, but here goes nothing. I shouldn't be posting something with the mood I'm in. But because of the mood I'm in, I really couldn't care less.
I got my lisence, and a job as a waitress at Family Pizza.
Well, I'm prolly moving to Regina. Woo-fucking-hoo.
Or maybe not, the way shit's been going lately.
I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. It seems that no matter what it is, I manage to fuck everything up. It's a god given gift. I don't even have to try anymore, it just magically happens.
And so, Keith hates me. Right. Fine.
Thats just the result of the combination of me caring so much about my friends and me being so confused about everything. He had to get sick of it sometime, I knew he would.
I told Audrey that I wan't going to go and see her while she's in rehab. Oops. I don't know if I want to or not now. She'll be mad at me if I don't, and it's a way out of here for a few days. Which would do me good right now. I'm ready to leave anyway. No, thats not true. I'm too much of a pussy to leave.
Here's my problem: I don't know anything. I can't make up my mind. I just can't. Too many options and they all have so many pros and cons.
I want it all, I want friends and family. The problem is, that in some cases they're the same thing to me.Another thing, "I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control..." Yeah, it doesn't seem important, but it's always in the back of my mind. Not that that last statement will mean anything to anyone.
Fuck, and to make things worse, I just swallowed my gum. Bitch. I hate Mondays.
This is all a jumble in my head, and for once I have to sort through it and find a way to fix my mess. It's gotten so that I can't pretend it's not there anymore.
Fuck this. No one needs my emoness, and I'm dumping it on my friends, who honestly don't deserve this shit. I hate doing this, but there's no other way to get it out.
~MistressTiggy

Everchanging - Rise Against
In the face of change
Is when she turned to me and said,
"I'm not sure anymore..."
And there amidst the waves
And the cloudless skies,
That blanket the year before
I watch my life wash ashore.

Have you ever been a part of something,
That you thought would never end?
And then of course it did.
Have you ever felt the weight inside you,
Pulling away inside your skin?
And then something had to give.

[Chorus:]
Now the lines are drawn,
Is this feeling gone?
The best parts of this have come and gone.
And now that is all this is,
With the reasons clear,
We'll spend another year
Without direction, full of fear.
But now things will be different.

There's nothing simple when it comes to you and I,
Always something in this everchanging life.
And it probably always will.
Now that time is getting harder to come by,
The same arguments are always on our mind.
We've killed this slowly fading light.

[Chorus]

Now something has kept me here too long,
And you can't leave me if i'm already gone.

Make the same mistakes we're always hanging on,
Break the promises we're always leaning on,
All this time spent waking up.
(Now I) Keep this line open to get this call from you ,
(As you) Speak the words that keep me coming back to you.

Now this time it's all different,
Now something has kept me here too long and now I'm gone...